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By Tucker Lurch Jr.
The Thursday Night Social League (TNSL) was
formed back in 1973, or thereabouts. The charter members, who are up
there in years and have all lived hard lives, are a little hazy on
the precise year of our awesome league’s inception. The league began
play at A.J. Jolly Golf Course in Alexandria, Ky., and remained
there until 1994, when it moved to the newly opened Lassing Pointe
Golf Links in Union, Ky., where it remains today.
The league founders cut their
teeth on the 19th hole at A.J. Jolly. The 19th
hole there is one of the most scenic one can find. It wasn’t the
scenery that attracted the young golf studs in those days, though.
It was pro Herb Fitzer holding court until the wee hours, serving up
wisdom, golf lore and brew. And more brews. Ah, those were the days.
We were young, foolish, but invincible.
What makes the TNSL so special is,
of course, the makeup of the league: the warriors. The league
members come from all walks of life, but no criminals that we know
of, at least no felons. All members have become good friends over
the years, but when Thursday evening rolls around, we are trying to
beat each other’s brains out. The competition level in this
venerable league is quite extraordinary.
The TNSL consists of 10 two-man
teams, divided into two divisions, the National League and American
League. The competition is for nine holes and scoring for each match
is based on both match and medal play, with the emphasis on match
play. The TNSL uses USGA handicaps, which levels the playing field.
“It is surprising how many matches
go down to the last hole. The great thing about this league is that
your competitors are trying to kill you on the course, but as soon
as the battle is over, they are buying you beers,” says league
statistician Ted Williams (no, not the baseball player). Indeed, the
19th hole is just as important as the first hole in this
league.
The league nirvana is the Super
Bowl. The term “over-married” is used for the guy whose wife is much
too pretty and much too smart to be with that guy. We all know one
or two of those lucky s.o.b.’s.
The TNSL is “over-trophied.” Many
years ago, one of the league’s brightest visionaries served as
president of the league. He purchased a beautiful, huge, sterling
silver trophy to be awarded on a rotating basis to the winner of the
yearly Super Bowl. The thing rivals the Wannamaker Trophy and is
much too good for the league. Each year, the winning Super Bowl team
is engraved on the coveted hardware. It is real and it is
spectacular. The trophy is worth several thousand dollars.
One winner of the trophy spent
quite a bit of money on it. The league member was on the defending
Super Bowl team and was going through a divorce when the time came
to turn over the magnificent prize to the newly crowned Super Bowl
winners. At the time of his separation, he left the house (and
everything in it) in haste. His ex-wife still had the trophy in his
ex-house (according to him, this was her sole qualification as a
trophy wife). When he asked for the trophy, she refused. No amount
of reason could convince her to turn it over to the league. The poor
bloke had to go to court and get the judge to order her to give it
back, costing him a pretty penny in lawyer fees. He claims that the
league has never reimbursed him for that hefty tab.
Several years ago, one member had
an extended spate of three-putt greens. The three-jacks had cost his
team several matches. Finally, on the eighth hole of another futile
match following yet another three-banger, his partner said, “Let me
see that thing,” whereupon, the three-puttmeister dutifully handed
over the offending flat stick. The partner turned around and heaved
the putter into the lake adjoining the green, saying, “There, that’s
the last time you will three-putt with that thing.”
The league is quite well
administrated. The TNSL has a web site, which features weekly
standings, a weekly newsletter, a link to the weather at the golf
course and many photos of past Super Bowls and outings, among other
delights. The league president has been in office for a couple of
years now. In our spring organizational meeting, which is a lot of
fun, he waits until the members get over-served and just never gets
around to opening the floor for the election of officers. He is
president by default. The league even has a diversity committee, the
main function of which is to make sure that nobody bothers the cart
girl too much. It has been marginally successful.
Because our league is so
close-knit, there is very little turnover of members. We have a
waiting list that rivals Augusta National, and those on the list
stand about as much chance of getting in the league as they do of
getting in Hootie’s place. There is a group of guys playing out of
Legendary Run in Cincinnati who are dying to get into our league. We
have started playing a Ryder Cup-style competition against them at
the end of the golfing season. They will get in our league when we
all grow udders and get milk. Don’t tell them that, though.
The Lassing Pointe golf course is
quite a challenge for the league. Michael Hurdzan designed the
track. We alternate the front and back nines on a monthly basis. The
front nine is tight with a par of 35; the back is more open, but
longer, with a par of 36. The facilities are great and the staff is
wonderful to the league. We feel like the place is our country club.
The pro, Jeff Kruempelman, the food service folks, even the cart
guy, Pete, who refers to himself as the “cartologist,” make us all
feel rather special. The rest of the golfing world should be so
lucky.
We have a famous author in our
league, who penned the shortest fairy tale ever written. It goes:
Once upon a time, a man decided to eschew marriage. He went fishing
and played golf every day. He went home whenever, and with whomever,
he wished. And he lived happily ever after. |
